Posted on November 19, 2008 by Debra Burdick
Do you ever get frustrated when you aren’t getting what you want in life? Do you work really hard and feel discouraged because you are not as successful as you wish you were? Do you want better health, more wealth, a healthy family, better relationships, a deeper divine connection, a feeling of contentment, more joy? Do some things seem just out of your reach? Ever wonder if something is getting in your way?
There are 3 major ways that we block ourselves from attracting what we desire. These include our false beliefs, fears, and core wounds. They are all related to what we have stored in our subconscious mind.
First, we all have deeply ingrained beliefs that make us see the world in a certain way. These beliefs may or may not be accurate. A belief is a thought that we think over and over again. We are taught these beliefs before the age of 7 primarily from our parents. Remember, a baby’s mind is wide open. So thoughts, images, and ideas we are exposed to as a baby and young child are stored in our brains as ‘truth’. These beliefs often become fixed in our subconscious mind. We need to realize when they don’t work for us anymore so we can work to become conscious of them and change them.
These beliefs are often called ‘false beliefs’ by psychotherapists because they don’t accurately reflect reality. Here’s an example. Perhaps a young mother is frazzled and overwhelmed, as most young mothers can be. Maybe she hasn’t had much sleep because her baby has been crying all night. She is so tired and frustrated because she doesn’t know how to make the baby stop crying. The baby keeps crying and she has tried everything and nothing has worked. Now she starts yelling and screaming at the baby to stop crying.
Already, this baby is learning something that may become a false belief. Perhaps the baby is crying because their tummy hurts. They can’t use words to tell anyone. They cry to communicate. They are doing exactly what they are instinctively supposed to do. But at this point, the mother they love and depend on is screaming and angry. They may feel they are bad because mom is yelling at them. They may make a subconscious connection between their tummy pain, mom’s anger, and feeling they are bad. Or perhaps in their baby mind they think mom is angry because they are crying so they start to believe that they are bad if they cry. Do you see where this is going?
Instead of being able to ask for what they need and expecting to get what they need, (comfort, pain relief) the baby ends up with the false belief that if they do so they are bad. This can translate into trouble for them as they grow up and perhaps don’t feel worthy of asking for what they need. So they don’t ask and they don’t trust themselves or others to meet their needs. And they may also develop a false belief that pain is dangerous or unacceptable. And all these beliefs are false and inaccurate.
Think about some of your beliefs about yourself and about your world. Some common false beliefs are: I am not good enough; I’m not smart enough; I’m not loveable; I’m not attractive; I’m stupid; I’m not worthy; I’m not important; Wealthy people are bad; Money is the root of all evil; Money isn’t important; It’s safer to stay hidden; The world is scary; It’s not safe to go after what I want; No one will listen to me; No one would pay me for what I do.
If your false belief is greater than your desire, you cannot attract what you want into your life. You cannot beat the subconscious mind.
In his book The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, T. Harv Eker recommends you examine your false beliefs about money. One woman I know did this and discovered she never let herself be completely successful because her mother always said “I will finally be able to rest in peace when my children are successful”. Her false belief was that her mother would die if she became successful. Once she identified and let go of this belief, she became very successful. And her mother lives on.
To clear your false beliefs you must first find them, then understand where they came from, and then deconstruct them. Think back about where you got that belief. What was said or done in your childhood that made you believe that. Then replace self-sabotaging beliefs with positive reality based beliefs. For example: I am safe; I am more than enough; I am worth it; I am important; I always have enough money; I can figure this out; Even though I have had trouble before I am getting better and better at this; I am good at what I do; I know enough; Attracting abundance is getting easier.
Our fears are the second block to attracting what we want. Our fear may outweigh the desire for what we want. One of my fears has been of not having enough money. This fear used to affect all my money and business decisions. I was afraid to spend money at times when doing so would have created more success and more money. But the fear of not having enough made me hold onto what I had very tightly. This blocked the flow of abundance to me.
What fears do you have that hold you back from getting what you desire? Some common fears are: fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of not having enough money; fear of success; fear of commitment; fear of not being good enough; fear of being overwhelmed; fear of not knowing enough.
In order to overcome your fears you need to identify them, figure out where you got them, and then face them head on. The best way to overcome fear is to TAKE ACTION. Step into your fear. Most likely you will feel very uncomfortable at first because you are facing your fear and are acting outside your comfort zone. However, the more you do this, the more comfortable you will become. Especially when you see that the thing you are most afraid of doesn’t actually happen. I now recognize where my fear of not having enough money came from and now I act anyway. My fear is subsiding and it works!
The third block to attracting abundance comes from our core wounds. We have all experienced painful events in our lives. We may have felt rejected by a parent, a sibling, a classmate, even when we were trying to do everything we could to be loveable. Perhaps a cruel teacher told us we would never amount to anything. Maybe our dad left our mom and never saw us again. Maybe our brother criticized and mimicked us endlessly. We may have been treated unfairly or unjustly.
These events all add up to impact how we deal with our world. They may make us feel anger or resentment. They may cause us to be afraid or feel small and unworthy. They may make us give up or quit just before we attain success. They may prevent us from even trying.
Look at your own chronic feelings and trace them back to your own core wounds. Try writing your life story outlining the major turning points in your life to find place-markers for your core wounds. Write like no one will ever read it. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar. Discover the meaning you have attached to these wounds. Get angry. Scream. Get the feelings out.
Then re-frame what happened to you. Make up a new meaning. Shift your perspective. If a teacher was cruel, maybe they were having a bad day because their husband just left them. If Dad chose not to be in your life, maybe he didn’t think he could be a good enough father. Think of all he missed out on.
Often times we misinterpreted meaning because we were too young to fully understand at the time. When we look back as an adult we can see things from a more mature and accurate perspective. When we do we discover the issue was usually about ‘them’, not ‘us’. Then we can let go.
Rewrite your false beliefs. Walk into your fear. Heal your core wounds. Doing these three things will allow you to open up to create success in your life and attract all the abundance you desire and more.
If feelings of overwhelm and stress are present in your life, check out this online training Transforming Stress.
Please leave a comment below about how you are using the skills in this blog post to help you attract what you desire.
I would love to hear your personal experiences with this topic.
Categories: Articles, Chronic Illness, Depression, Fear, Health, Mindfulness, Pain, Parenting, Peak Performance, Sleep, Stress, Success
Tags: abundance, contentment divine connection, core wounds, false beliefs, family, health, relationships, wealth